Daley up to his gills in diplomatic mess

Because of a humble gift given to him by the Daleys of Chicago almost 50years ago, Emperor Akihito of Japan was recently forced to apologize to hisnation in an embarrassing loss of face.
The gift?
A couple of lowly bluegills – Illinois’ official state fish – from theShedd Aquarium, given to then-Crown Prince Akihito by Mayor Richard J. Daleyin 1960.
The tasty Chicago bluegills escaped into Japanese lakes and rivers, makingmore bluegills, ravaging the ecosystem, steadily destroying the native speciesand the fish harvests.
That’s why, a few days ago, in what The New York Times called “a rareexpression of contrition,” Emperor Akihito was compelled to humble himself.That’s unheard of in Japan, a country where honor is paramount. It’s alsounheard of for the mayor of Chicago to apologize for anything. If you don’tbelieve me, just take a ride on the public transportation system.
“I brought bluegill back from the United States nearly 50 years ago anddonated them to a research institute of the Fisheries Agency,” the embarrassedemperor was quoted as saying in a wire report.
“Its cultivation started as there were great expectations of raising themfor food in those days,” said the emperor, an ichthyologist (fish expert). “Myheart aches to see it has turned out like this.”
My heart aches, too. But not for the emperor. It aches for Mayor Richard M.Daley’s pinkie.
The only thing to do, it seems, is for the son of the great fish giver, ourcurrent mayor, to act honorably in recompense for this diplomatic disaster.
His father, Chicago’s fish giver – the late Richard J. – often fondlydreamed of Chicagoans and that noblest of creatures, the fish.
“People from the Loop could catch fish in the Chicago River and barbecuethem on lower Wacker Drive,” he was known to say, when he dreamed such dreams,even though to most people, eating fish from the Chicago River would be anightmare.
But the Daley clan’s fish dreams have become a catastrophe for the peopleof Japan. This is an international incident. An emperor has been humbled. Andnow Chicago’s emperor must pay.
One possibility would be for Daley to drop Chicago’s bid for the 2016Olympics in favor of the competing Olympic bid offered by Tokyo.
But that would cause great pain among all the guys who know the guys behindthe guys who expect to cash in on all the Chicago Olympics development action,including concrete pouring, concessions, trucking, asphalt, real estate and soon. Daley can’t afford to upset them.
There is another option. The Mayoral Pinkie Option.
Surely you’ve seen it in the movies, such as “Black Rain” and “The Yakuza,”where the American movie star insults the Japanese. The only way to reconcilethe debt of honor is to lop off the pinkie, without a whimper.
So our noble mayor can cut his pinkie off with fine Chicago cutlery – notthe whole thing but two knuckles’ worth – wrap it in a handkerchief and mailit to the emperor.
“You’re crazy. Daley won’t cut his pinkie off,” said one guy who knows guysbehind the guys who know Daley. “If you’re going to do it right, you’ve got tocut it off while you’re looking straight ahead, and you’re not supposed toscream. And you know the mayor would scream and ruin the whole thing.”
Of course he’d scream. I’d scream, too. So would you. But I’m not themayor.
Certainly, other loyal mayoral retainers – guys who’ve made fortunes incity deals financed by hapless taxpayers – would be lining up, begging forthe honor to cut off their pinkies to save the mayoral pinkie.
Daley understands the problem of invasive species. The infamous zebramussel is one. And what about the Asian carp? It flies out of the water justas fishermen stand up in their boats, hurling their 4-foot-long bodies thatweigh over 100 pounds right at the most sensitive of all fishermen areas.
The mayor understands how they feel, now.
“These things are coming up the canal,” Daley warned in 2004. “They’re notworried about federal or state or local governments. If we don’t stop themnow, they will destroy the Great Lakes.”
He lobbied for federal money to stop these invasive species, with electricfences and other magical tools of science, realizing the burdens imposed bythese illegal piscatorial immigrants.
I wanted to talk to an expert, but it was late, so I talked to a guy whowas an environmental writer once.
“That’s the problem with invasive species. You think you’ll find loads ofzebra mussels in the Caspian Sea? No,” he said. “They have predators. Buthere, they don’t, so their populations explode. Same with the Asian carp.”
Either way, voluntary or involuntary, a great fish sin has been visitedupon the people of Japan and their proud emperor by the city of Chicago.
A debt must be paid.
Whose pinkie, Mayor?

———-

 
jskass@tribune.com